Difficult painting

[Ron Francis]

This is a painting that I'm working on at the moment.
Unfortunately, in a moment of weakness, I promised I would post it here.
(Sass, that is you in the director chair.)

I don't know what is wrong with it and it's driving me crazy.
I don't expect anyone to give me any answers, but you can feel free to say what you want.
Surely you can't pick it to pieces as much as I am.

[Elena]

I'm just staring at it....and loving it....
if I find something I'll tell you...but don't wait for it..

...I'll be back...

Elena

[Elena]

I might (just might) expect to see higher contrast on the pier's shaded area at the left...
the perspective is brutal (in a very good way )

Elena

p.s. Sass in her late nineties...LOL

[sass]

i love IT SO GLAD i am still enjoying the water at that age!

only thing is i am trying to make my own story she is there with family no doubt the grandaughter is at her feet but I cannot come up with what she is thinking or feeling... she is not waving nor does she seem particularly excited so she is simply enjoying this moment

something we hope you will do with this painting master...

Also glad to know my butt is not HUGE at this age omg such a relief see the painting is too telling a story

sorry all for now as i gotta go get some more cookies....

[marsha]

Ron I love it and the feeling it has.
What is bothering you?
Could it be the central submerged figures?

[shelia]

Of course it's wonderful. Just for the sake of arguemnet is it the color that's not matching your mood at the moment? The aqua is not a happy color as far as happy colors go. Now didn't that sound stupid!!

The fella in the white trunks is not reflecting like the others near by.

Sass, I love the water and don't care that my butt is that big, it is a major investment getting one this size! I say put a red feather boa on that grandma and I'll imagine it a future portait of myself.

[StaceyO]

I need to take water and sand-painting lessons from you Ron! Your technique is beautiful. I get a little bit of a Norman Rockwell feeling with all that is going on (I happen to love the story-telling aspect!).

I really like how the woman at the water's edge is looking out, and your placement of the bridge brings us back into the picture. It also lets us know how contained this swimming area is (almost bothersome, but that's what makes this story, right?). I'd like to offer you some additional comments/observations, but I'd like to know more about the story behind the work. For example, why is nearly everyone facing away, and why is the little girl's face hidden by the chair?

Thanks for sharing your work. You have an incredible talent, and I look forward to hearing this story!
Stacey

[mladyjoy]

Ron, your work is first class as always... values, perspective are at a premium.. I too would love to know the story behind this picture, it's very enigmatic! The colors are a great beach palette but something is...different about them. hmmmmm...not what you'd expect to see. But then everyone is going to see something different, right?

When I first looked at it, and looked at it and looked... well you get the picture.. I tried to put myself in the picture with everyone... there's no room for me!

To me it seems the size and placement of everyone in the painting is right, they are all just too close together. like that new techy tv special effect they do with the main object in the front, in this case beautiful Sas's backside in the director's chair and just stttrrreeetttccchhhh it out to the max to make you feel like your moving with the background! Except this painting is before the stretch! The bridge in the background is still in your face...help me I am suffocating! I feel claustrophobic, and I am. this is by NO MEANS a bad thing, in fact, quite the opposite... if this is the feeling you were trying to give the viewer... sort of like an oxymoron... happy beaches = space and your painting like a not so happy beach(twilight zone feeling) = lack of space. Ron dear, do you not like beaches? (jking)

I showed Scott and my oldest son David your painting too and their initial impression was the same.. the bridge is too close therefore space and distance are too (trying to find the right word) confined? constricted? incased? limited? compressed? help me I can't breath! kidding but that is the first feeling I get when I see it... and what's weird is... the scene isn't all that crowded is it? hmmm..... again.

If this is what you were trying to achieve, and from studying your paintings I'd have to guess maybe it is a Mood you are trying to convey, then you did a great job in having these feelings errupt inside of me.

[stencilist]

Ron,

First of all, it is gorgeous. You are one of my favorite painters and I am always awed by your skill and how you set a mood in your paintings. It feels very weird to critique your painting, but since you asked for feed-back:

In looking at your painting, I am distracted by the standing woman on the far right. Her head is at the same level as the grandma's, and the light in her hat pulls me to the two heads together, rather than the grandma and the child, which I believe are the focal point.

I also think she may be just a smidgen too tall. If I look at the sand between the chairs and the water line at the left of the child, I have a sense of further distance than when I look at the same area on the right of the grandma/chair. The sand/water haven't changed, but there seems to be a little incongruity due, I think, to the woman's height. See how much the balance changes if you block her out with your thumb.

Lovely painting Ron, as always!

Sheri

[covergirlfaux]

I agree with Sheri on the woman in the hat...she looks a little too tall...out of place. You also told me that this is supposed to be dusk and the sky in the upper left looks too bright (more like midday) if that's the case. Maybe it needs more golden/rosy/warm light and or reflections. Right now it looks too cool...like the water would be freezing cold. Overall though, I like it a lot. I think you're 97% there!

[Shelley]

[Ron Francis]

Interesting comments and much better than just getting compliments.

First the story is a simple one.
A very early memory of going to this harbor beach with extended family.
Yes, I did feel like I wasn't really a part of the scene, partly because of the strangeness of my family (and tensions between them) but also I was afraid of the water but wanted to be able to swim out to the pontoon.
The 'bridge' is a sort of enclosed jetty that also had a shark net.
There will be some people standing on it.
Stacey, you are right that it was supposed to make it a bit more surreal and maybe claustrophobic. (There are real sharks out there!)

It's supposed to look like twilight, just as the sun is going down (or maybe even after it had gone below the horizon, but not a red sunset).
The sun is almost at 90 degrees off to the left and I wanted a glow like there was upper level cloud, or vapor so that it was more of a diffuse light.

Sheri and Shannon,
Now I'm not concerned about composition as that is subjective.
Also, the woman on the right does look too big, but I know the perspective is correct.
At the point where the sand reaches the water, the sea bed falls away more dramatically. I did this to try to increase the feeling of danger in the water.
But this has caused a bit of an optical illusion with the woman.
I want to add some more objects on the sand, so maybe that will give more of a depth cue and put here in her place.
However, this is something that I'm not really bothered with so much as an overall colour problem, or atmosphere problem.
I'm not sure what it is, otherwise I could get a handle on it to fix it.

Elena,
The pier is undercoat and yes, I will be adding some darker tones.
Other areas that are still undercoat as well, including the woman's hat on the right, the deck chair, the grandma's hair and the hills in the distance.
Also need to do more with the young girl to increase contrast.

Marsha,
My eye mainly goes to the two men with water up to their thighs.
The don't look solid enough or something.
Not sure if it's tonal, colour or anatomy.
But there is something there that may be a key to the answer.

Sheila,
Again, I wonder if I went the right way with the colour of the water.
Too strong a colour maybe?
Maybe it needs more reflection, but I wanted it dark and scary.
A contradiction that I'm trying to deal with.

Joyce,
No room for me either. :o)

Shelly,
You may have something there. (Thanks Shannon).
I'm not sure whether it is a geographical thing or not but I was imagining it after a hot day.
The water is a very cool colour isn't it?

Thank you all.
I will digest it all and see where it leads.
All in all your comments have been very intelligent, (not that I would really know).

[Ron Francis]

Oh Sass,
She will be knitting something.

[Tania Seabock]

Ron,

I think you need to add pink and purple polka-dots to it then paint a wedgey on Sass.

You can thank me for my expertise in cash.

[lynne]

color and light-wise- this reminds me a lot of the way things looked at the beach when i was a kid and we had bad smog alerts or a smoke cloud from a fire, so everything had a sort of unnatural, desaturated color, like a faded polaroid.
i actually like that quality about this painting, because it also gives me a slight feeling of dread, along with the "boxed in" composition. i think that all works.
maybe the relative deep value and cleanliness of the red bucket distracting a bit. why is it such a focal point- is it meant to be a symbol?

[Ron Francis]

Tania,
I think you had better get back to your ceilings now.
By the way, I can blame you for my addiction to this forum.
You introduced me to it!
Or was it Elena?

Lynne,
Interesting observation and pretty much the sort of atmosphere I'm trying to get.
Funny you that you mentioned the bucket.
It's not symbolic, but I left it that strong and contrasty to show up the errors in the rest of the painting.
Something to aim for I guess.
I have been adding contrast to the grandma and chair trying to make it fit.
(It should in theory fit!) But it still stands out like a sore thumb.
I will be able to tell more when I add more contrast to the young girl and deckchair and add other things on the sand.
(The bucket is pretty much opposite in colour to the water, so maybe it will always look too intense.)

Cheers.

[arlene]

I agree that the sand, water and light areas are all rendered beautifully, no doubt why you are so dear to everyone, your talent is amazing. I am not sure why , but the figures to me look very "placed" when I think of a beach scene like this in my mind I think of more movement, all the figures seem so still. The men are really the only figures to me that almost seem unnnatural. I don't know if its because every one is kind of looking out to shore or because they are all in one way or another not including the viewer into the fun. I don't know if this makes sense its just the feeling I get that we the viewers are locked out of something, they don't seem to be involved in either.Maybe thats what you wanted and if thats the case great success in conveying that closed out feeling.

[leisu]

The color of the water is not as ominous as what you are shooting for, it seems like 3:00 sky/water combo, but the people feel more like 6:00 to me.

One thing that bothers me is that everthing is so clean, the dock out in the water, the chairs.... but it is a memory, and they are stark, so maybe that is on purpose.

It's incredibly well rendered, it reminds me of paintings from the 50s. Not Norman Rockwellish at all, but I get the reference at the same time. The lady's height does not feel off to me.

Overall I'd be ecstatic if you gave it to me as is.

[Elena]

[Alli]

I really, really like this painting Ron. I'm not in any way qualified to critique (and couldn't find anything anyway) but I do like the way the beach is boxed in by the bridge. You have all these people out to enjoy the ocean, and they go to a place where the ocean has been "tamed." The best part of being at the beach is being able to see all the way to the horizon and feeling the vastness (and possible danger) of the water. This beach has been made safe for human consumption! It's like a politically correct beach...everyone looks relaxed, but it seems like they don't know what they're missing.

I also like the contrast of the red bucket--it does give the painting that "memory" quality. Thanks for sharing this with us!!

[Paint deZiner]

Gorgeous Ron, that is exactly how older people would enter the water. One small cautious step at a time!
I love the foreground in the picture, you nailed it.
The only thing my untrained eye might pick up is the bridge/pier on the horizon is the same colors as the swimmers. Maybe the posts should be a little darker. At a quick glance they look like people

[marsha]

Ron if your point of interest are the two men , which I would agree, then I don't see anything wrong with them. What I do see is that they are competing for competition with the other submerged figures to the right. My eye goes more toward them than the two men.
Hope I am making sense. Also your two men are facing as if they are going out of the painting to the left. Your eye is drawn a tad out of the painting although it is drawn back into the painting by the placement of the far figures and circles around.

I love this painting and the fact that are putting this out here for us to critique! Your awesome!

[seyonfarm]

Ron....I love this painting! I had an ominous feeling about it instantly. Things seem so perfect from the outside looking in, but all the subjects seem to be in a state of the calm before the storm.
I wondered what is swimming around right below the surface of that water.......what is swimming right below the surface of all the subjects in the painting? I felt like it was late afternoon and a bit cool. I can almost hear all the voices faded of in the distance......Thanks for sharing. Kelly

[Im_faux_excited]

Interesting to read all the imput from everyone. I hope you don't mind my two cents too Ron.

I like the red pail... the glint of it in the late afternoon beach sun is reminiscent of my childhood at the beach. It stands out as a juxtaposition of the earthiness of the setting against the paraphanalia of man. Just a careless leftover of a fun day. Will it be picked up and taken home or forgotten by an exhausted, but satisfied child?

The one thing that stood out immediately to me and I don't know if it's right or wrong, but it made me curious and so if it's right, I hope you'll explain it to me....

The shadows on the chairs represent the sun being in the west just prior to sunset, but the shadows of the men in the water have the sun coming from a completely different place, like 11:30ish or noon. Shouldn't their cast shadows be off to the right side of their bodies in the water?

I like the mood of the painting because it certainly defines the setting at Paine's Creek beach down the street from me on a hot, late summers day. The water's got that chilly edge to it because you're body's got all that stored up sunheat in it from the day. Everyone's worn out, but relaxed, just feeling the peace of the water and the vastness of the sea, but protection of their 'hamlet' if you will. Lovely.

[Jodi]

Well I hate to spoil a good critique session, but I absolutely love it as it is and wouldn't change a thing. It would go PERFECTLY over my fireplace.